“Although needed only in very small quantities, vitamin B12 is one of those nutrients that make life worth living. Deficiencies can manifest as the living hell of depression, multiple sclerosis, dementia and psychiatric disorders, such as obsessive-compulsive behavior and manic depression . . . In the early stages of deficiency, symptoms can be reversed by supplements fo the vitamin in a form that is easy to absorb. At later stages of deficiency, the neruological damage is irreversible.” ~ Sally Fallon, Nourishing Traditions

Reading this makes my heart weep. Although lately it feels more like my stomach bleeding. The more I learn about nutrition, the more I grieve. God has made us in a certain way. He provided wholesome foods for us, to nourish us according to the way we were made. Yet because of sinful appetites and willful ignorance, we spurn wholesomeness for instant gratification, drug-like foods and what ever tempts us at the moment. I am cheif among such sinners. I just had a diet coke float. We have arrived at a collective place where you can’t tell which came first, the poor habits making for disease or disease making for poor habits.

Let me explain in a more personal manner. I am rambling in my ache. My mother was bulemic durring her childbearing years. Nutrient deficiencies are woeful to the unborn. My mother didn’t nurse my sister very long, and she was given formula. Since early childhood she showed signs of sadness, according to mom. In Jr. high she became caught up with a group of ridiculously anorexic girls. They all drank alot and hardly ate at all. For years. Then my sister struggled with over-eating. Wonder why. Her body was starved for nutrients because durring every major growning stage of life she was deprived or deprived herself of a nourishing diet.

Did she overeat because malnourishment drove her to or because she is sinful and lacks self-control? Both. God has made human community so interconnected. The sins of the fathers visit their children for generations. Does everything boil down to nutrition? No, but most thing affects it and nutrition affects most things.

I read things like the above quote and just grieve. I do not know how she is alive and walking after years of eating disorders and drug abuse. Three years ago when she lived with us the doctor said she was on the verge of heart failure, and that was before the meth. I am quite sure that the damage she has done to herself has become somewhat permanent. Though I still believe in miracles. My logical mind tries to scientifically understand how she is still alive. I imagine that her body has “reprogrammed” to run on meth now instead of real food. That is why such addictions are so horrible to break, is it not?
How I long to lock her in my house and feed her homemade, nourishing chicken broth, fresh raw juices and lots of superfoods. How I long to care for her and try to make up for the healthy start she went without. I can’t. I am not in control. I am not the Healer. Perhaps a day will come when God will bring someone to my door who is ill and desperately needs all the skills of noursihment I am trying to build.

At the same time, I am horrified at such a possibility. The lost and suffering seem to threaghten my control over life and my feelings like a tornado threaghtens a shanty. I love and I am terrified to love. It just hurts so much. These are the only moments when childbirth sounds like fun . . .
For now, I can nourish my own children. I can make sure that I don’t repeat the sins of former generations and neglect them in my grief over things I can’t control.