The new Modern Reformation has landed at the Crawford household, an issue taking a spin off the “Purpose Driven” mania entitled “The Promise Driven Life“. Within this issue is a solid, back to basics article on parenting by Bryan Chapell, president of Covenant Theological Seminary, that addresses the question “Why does the Bible directly say so relatively little about parenting?” through an exegesis of Ehpesians 6:1-4.

Essentially, Chapell answers that the Bible gives little in the way of direct, “practical” parental instruction because that is not the essential ingredient to Godly parenting. Looking at the context of this passage he writes, “The Bible’s short instruction to parents follows a host of instructions for the household of faith. . . . This earlier foundation is not inconsequential. It means that the Lord expects biblical parenting to occur in a church context.” The article porceeds to discuss the foundational aspects of covenant community which roots all godly parenting; A loving relationship with the Lord, the living model of God as our true Father, and our firm security in the love of God.

I personally wrestle most with this last aspect in my parenting and found Chapell’s words encouraging:

Anxious parents do not make good parents. So the Bible deals with the source of our anxieties by assuring Christian parents that God dearly loves us and has so loved us since before the creation of the world. Once this assurance takes deep root in a mother’s or father’s heart, it helps minimize the concern for protecting self that can be the hidden but driving motice behind our parenting decisions.

Far more important than learning techniques for relating to our children is having our hearts deeply changed so that love flows out of that active well-spring in a real and ‘natural’ way. Children are quite adept at discerning the real from the packaged, are they not?! I have numerous parenting books on my bedroom bookshelf, all of which I have learned a great deal from. However, as some techniques work for some children and not for others, as some experts say that the Bible teaches the exact opposite that other godly experts say, I keep returning to the essential; a faith-filled, love relationship with the Lord that I share with my children. Chapell directly addresses the abundance of “handbooks on Christian parenting” as he writes,

The Bible’s emphases show that the daily context of Christian living is the most powerful tool of child rearing, rather than a precise set of right or wrong behaviors. . . . Some [of these books] have even claimed biblical proof for the proper feeding times of infants. Such instructions defy the liberties of Scripture and deny the dignity of individual differences. This kind of teaching also seems to imply that children are likely to be ruined if we make a single mistake in some particular moment or aspect of a child’s upbringing.

Our relationship with the Lord proves so central to our parenting because He lavishes us with grace. We are united with Him in a covenant of grace! Chapell writes, “The essence of biblical parenting is recognizing that we are the dispensers of God’s grace into our children’s lives.” Grace and love free us to be as He created us to be, free from the ridged constraints of one set of humanly extrapolated behaviors and principles. God is moulding each family into a unique reflection of the image of God and a unique part of the body of Christ. In our diversity, we still strive for holiness, yet without anxiety or fear, for His love covers a multitude of sin. It is not relativism to affirm the truth that every family, parent and child are different. He is the designer and sustainer of diversity, creating each family so uniquely, that we might have the joy of seeking Him firstly as we strive to raise our children.

Chapell touches on several other basics of parenting, which are worth the read if you can get your hands on a copy of Modern Ref. So far, they have chosen not to post this article on the web. He ends the article with a discussion of the sacrificial love we are called as parents, mirroring the sacrificial love God has given us through His son. As sinners who love to worship and serve self, we are ever in need of such a reminder and encouragement.

(Reflecting on the context and language of Eph.,) Since our life is in them, we are to bring up our children with the care we give our own bodies. We should nurture our children as the essence of our lives. This means that the physical and spiritual vitality God grants Christians should also thrive in their children as teh product of sacrificial care. Parents are to be givers, pouring themselves into the nurture of those God commits to their keeping. . . . By lifting our children to the Savior, we become like him and thus discover in a parent’s heart another means to measure and to marvel at the love of the Savior who lifts us to heaven by His sacrifice.