I am reading Madeleine L’Engle’s Walking on Water for the second time. It is a delightful book that quickly pulls me up out of the daily humdrum and into the delightful, truthful world of creativity and art. She defines art as creating cosmos out of chaos and challenges me to see homemaking as more than a task, but an art; Creating imaginative cosmos, rather than dull order, out of the chaos that inevitably befalls each day. Perhaps when I finish a book review will come, but for now I wanted to copy a few quotes.

I have always had a strong passion for language. Sloppy grammar and ill-used vocabulary always irritates me. It was a tough move from Oregon to Texas. I suppose southern dialect along with dishes, laundry and fatigue have caused my passion to wane. I had nearly forgotten my love of words until L’Engle made my heart sing with her stout reminder. Isn’t it heart-warming to find a kindred-spirit and fellow soldier for a cause close to your heart? But without further ado, here is what she has to say on reading and language . . .

“Creative involvement: that’s the basic difference between reading a book and watching TV. In watching TV, we do nothing. In reading we must become creators. Once the child has learned to read alone and can pick up a book without illustrations, he must become a creator, imagining the setting of the story, visualizing the characters, seeing facial expressions, hearing the inflection of voices. The author and the reader “know” each other; they meet on the bridge of words.”

“We think because we have words, not the other way around. The more words we have, the better able we are to think conceptually.”

“If our vocabulary dwindles to a few shopworn words, we are setting ourselves up for takeover by a dictator. When language becomes exhausted, our freedom dwindles - we cannot think; we do not recognize danger; injustice strikes us as no more than ‘the way things are.’”

Anyone else see that happening both in current politics and in our churches? Hmmm….

“Where language is weak, theology is weakened.”

Perhaps I will write more on L’Engle as I finish the book, but for today, let us be inspired to read to our children. May they not be doomed to the shrunken vocabulary of modern pop culture! If our children are only learning vocabulary form TV, advertisers, marketers, political rhetoric and dumbed down church services, they are likely to fall prey to them.

When we left our riveting discussion of sports and parenting, we last pictured a real life episode of parental indecision, self-doubt and hesitation under pressure. Anyone else out there ever find themselves caught in a hopeless spiral downward into pitiful parenting when doubt and hesitation causes frustration which causes more internal angst and confusion, resulting in worse parental behavior? Maybe its just me. Alas, the life of a recovering perfectionist legalistic modernist.

However, praise God, this is where the final member of our topical trinity comes in: The Gospel! The demands of the law, the pressure of God’s standard for parenting drives me to despair, because if I have my eyes even half “open at least on one side” (Dr. Seuss) I can clearly see how I minute by minute fall short of it. I can’t do what Jesus would do! Damn me! And that is when the fullness of the Gospel, the glorious revelation and work of Christ comes sweetly in to save a wretch like me. I can’t do it, He came to do it for me. He fulfilled the requirement of the law for me, that He might be my righteousness.

That is Good News not just for once upon a time when I said the sinners prayer but also for today, tomorrow and until the day I die. (That is my current favorite expression for those of you who read it on Rock Cries Out as well!) I don’t outgrow the Gospel as a Christian, ever. I live by the cross, His new mercies every morning come to me by the accomplishment of Christ once for all upon the cross. That is why the cross is joyful to the Christian. At its foot we find not foremostly a principle to follow but a shower of grace, of undeserved mercy and newness of life fresh from the cross for today.

How does the Gospel then directly relate to parenting, much less to sports and flow? The Gospel shows us that when we hesitate and self-doubt, we are asking the wrong questions and looking to the wrong ends. Paul wrote in Galatians to walk by the spirit and you will not carry out the deeds of the flesh. What is walking by the Spirit? Having a mind focused on faith, on the work and grace of Christ, filled with gratefulness and love and patience (fruit of the Spirit). We focus on the Spirit and His character and our actions will follow accordingly. We are freed from self consciousness so that we can “flow” with the Spirit, so to speak! The Gospel frees me from having to fret over the externals and behaviors. I am free from the law, free to focus on the Spirit, trusting the events and results to a totally sovereign God who has chosen to lavishly cover me and my child with extraordinary grace.

Back to the grocery store episode. Child throws ridiculous tantrum over wanting third doughnut. Because of the Gospel I don’t have to think about or ask myself, “What is the right thing to do? What would Jesus do? What is the correct action x to get y result?” Instead I pray and ask for patience, love, gratefulness for my child. I think about loving my child even though at the moment she seems unlovable. In this mind set of faith, hope and love, whatever happens, happens.

Perhaps reflecting back on sports again will make it more clear. I am going to have to switch from basketball to horse jumping because I do not know the former well at all from a participant’s standpoint. A rider performing at his best does not consciously think “Should I turn wide or narrow to the jump? How many strides is it to the next jump? My horse is being ornery, should I spur him or chip on the reins?” Those skills are learned in practice, before the event. When you are in the ring, on course, if you don’t know how many strides it is to the fence you better just find a rhythm and wing it! The second you wonder how far it is to the jump is the second you subconsciously pull back on the reins and take your horse of his rhythm so that he can’t guage the distance. More important than knowing exactly what to do is having your focus and patience so that you can respond immediately and intuitively to the course and the horse as you go.

Like wise as parents there is a time for training. We should certainly learn, read books, seek wisdom from experienced parents and consider helpful techniques and behaviors, but the moment of execution is not the moment to deliberate. More important than knowing exactly what to do is having your focus on the love and grace of Christ so that you can respond immediately and intuitively with motherly patience and love to your child and her reactions as you go.

Do you ever see the simple, sweet example of this with first time mothers and their newborns? The mother is so nervous and paranoid and concerned about doing everything perfect that she seems to make the baby fussy and nervous? Despite having read 5 books on newborns and prior to birth being certain on how to handle sleep problems and fussing? My mother-in-law was wonderful in helping me overcome this. She and all the wonderful women in her family are so in love with babies that the sweet infants just melt with peace in their arms. My babies could cry for an hour and I know she would just rock them sweetly, totally unfazed, full of patient love. She taught me to get over the rules of the schedule, the rules of attatchment parenting and the fear of crying so that I could just enjoy and soak up every sleep deprived moment. And my children slept better because of it!

The little life of a baby is a total miracle. It definitely was not my doing that gave my child life and it will not be my doing if she is raised well. It was a miracle that my baby was born and it will be a miracle if she turns out! My critical focus in the game is not self-consciously on what I am doing as a mother, but on the One who is so loving and gracious and compassionate and extraordinary and who accomplishes all things. When I remember how He has overcome innumerable mistakes and sins in my own life, I am filled with hope, faith and love for my child and what, according to His enduring character, I know He will do in my sweet child’s life. Keep your eye on the ball, right?!

My main point in all this rambling, in case it has been muddled, is that the Gospel of grace frees us from hesitation and confusion. We are free to love our children as we best know how. His grace covers us and our feeble attempts to parent. If we have allowed our hope, joy, faith, and love to be robbed by fretting over the “to do’s” and “do not’s” of parenting then we have lost the “flow”! We have forgotten the glorious truth of the Gospel that is our life.

Elise and I have been enjoying a little morning prayer poem that we found in the Lutheran Book of Prayer. She had it memorized after 2 weeks.

My husband, Tommy, and I enjoy watching the NBA playoffs together every spring for several reasons. 1 - Tommy and I are competitive by nature. 2 - Four of the last three playoff seasons I have either just had a baby or was ill with pregnancy fatigue and nausea, making the nearly nightly games a welcome entertainment and easy “date” opportunity for evenings spent frequently nursing or too tired and nauseated to do anything else. 3 - As John Piper says, when the ball swooshes for a buzzer beating 3-pointer to win the game, the glory of that moment tells us something about the glory of God and the victory of Christ. We love to watch a good game that makes us remember there is something glorious in life worth fighting for.

This playoff season, my, I mean our, team was again shut out before the Finals. Alas, even before the Western Finals. In angst, I pondered what again went wrong? The skills are present but whenever the pressure mounts, our team seems to melt and fall apart. Having once been an avid pop-psych reader and outdoor adventurist, I have read a bit about a concept called “flow”; The mental ability to immerse oneself in an activity to the extent of loosing self consciousness. Not loosing consciousness, but awareness of your self doing something. In flow you are just aware of the something you are doing without the third-person analysis of yourself doing it. Such flow is necessary for excellence in sport and music and art, where you must be wholly absorbed in your pursuit. I would also say it is part of satisfying prayer.

Back to my team, I mean our team. So I observed this year again, that when the pressure mounts, our team dies out in the fourth quarter. They loose their flow and in self-consciousness begin to play like high schoolers. Missing shots, turning the ball over, poor decisions, etc… A major key to flow, as far as I have observed, is confidence. When you begin to second guess yourself at all, the flow is gone. When you think about yourself shooting the ball instead of only having awareness of shooting the ball, you loose ‘flow’.

I will not spend more time describing what is difficult to describe, but anyone who has experienced flow knows what it is. Anyone who had any kind of normal childhood should know the joy of loosing yourself in a creative activity. And don’t let anyone tell you sports aren’t creative! As an aside, this is part of why drugs are so addicting and attractive. They take us away from the self-consciousness that so easily plagues adult life and quickly into the joy and peace and excitement of ‘flow’, albeit a dangerous, artificial, induced, unhealthy flow.

As I watched my team ‘lose it’ and clearly move from the flow of the game to the air ball shooting self-conscious play of pressure, I recognized myself. My own greatest weakness in most sports hasn’t been a lack talent (in the sports I have tried, I am sure talent is an issue in some sports!), but damned self-consciousness and irrational lack of confidence. For years I rode show jumpers (horses) and there is nothing like a living animal to smell even a whiff of fear or hesitation and then solidly plant you upside down on top of a 4′ wooden jump. I am all too familiar with the smell of hesitation and self-doubt.

It has been years now since I have had the fun of playing a sport. However, in my recent life the odors of self-conscious hesitation most often pour forth during discipline with my 3 year old. Parenting has certainly humbled me and given my self-confidence a rattle. Parenting should be like college, right? Study hard, research thoroughly, produce a good paper and count on an A+, right? So with the assignment of parenting, I was ready to study, prepare and execute. I expected the immediate gratification of an A plus, (great behavior and attitude out of my childre at an early age of course) There is a perfect way to discipline my children and ensure an A at this parenting thing, right? I read at least 4 books about it. Surely if Jesus were here, He would discipline them perfectly, right?

So as I face my ridiculously tantruming 3 year old in the middle of the grocery store with a half-full cart, I think, “What would Jesus do?” Surely He wouldn’t give in and get her another doughnut would he? Would he go paddle her backside in the car? What is the right thing to do? And the pressure of the situation, with all eyes and ears in the store glaring, and the weight of my child’s upbringing, character and maybe even salvation potentially on the line, I hesitate. I deliberate, I doubt, I second guess. And now, great, I have made it worse by not being decisive! NOW what would Jesus do? And where the hell are the pinto beans? Oh, great, Jesus wouldn’t be in this situation, because He would never hesitate! He would never secretly curse in His head! Now I have made everything worse. I am in a dilemma that Jesus would never be in in the first place! Where “what would Jesus do” doesn’t apply! I guess now every shot attempt at discipline will just be an automatic airball or rim-bouncer at best. I already missed the buzzer on this one, eh?

Well, the baby needs fed. Part 2 to arrive soon.

I have been wanting for some time to write a post in response to the Motherwise: Freedom for Mothers study I recently led. However, time and proper inspiration has illuded me. Fortunately, the recent issue of Modern Reformation contains an aritcle by Michael Horton on fatherhood called “Good News for Bad Dads” that expressed pricisely, and perhaps with more tact, the concerns I had with Motherwise as well as our own church’s incresingly pragmatic philosophy of minsitry and spiriual life.

I will copy the portion of the article here that specifically expresses my growing concerns with current church trends. You can also read the full article here.

“. . . if God’s fatherhood is only a model for us, it cannot come as good news but only as further condemnation of our own poor performance. The good news is that this God, the Father of Jesus, is now our Father because of his love and the obedience rendered by his Son. In Christ, we do not dread this Father’s displeasure as condemnation and judgment, but feel his fatherly hand in redemption and correction. In other words, the good news is not that God is our model of fatherhood, but that in Christ he has become the Father even of bad Christian dads.
So the good news for bad fathers, first and foremost, is also the good news for bad mothers, children, grandparents, employers, and employees. This is why, in our headlong rush for relevance, all of our “practical” preaching on fatherhood, motherhood, marriage, and family can become the most impractical preaching of all apart from the gospel.
A colleague tells me that not long ago a woman visited his church. “I’m struggling in my marriage,” she confessed to him, “and my church is in the middle of a series on how to have good marriages.” One would think on the face of it that preaching Christ from Genesis to Revelation would be less directly applicable to her situation, but she explained that what she really needed most in this situation was to have her Savior held forth as sufficient. Of course, she also wanted to know what the Bible said about how she should live. She knew that she was as much to blame in her marriage as her husband, and was ready to hear pastoral counsel from the Scriptures. But she found that having more “practical” tips on marital enhancement was not getting the job done. Instead, it was stoking the fires of her anger toward herself, her husband, and God. After a while of Christ-centered preaching, she was able to raise her eyes to heaven and gratefully embrace the God of Promise, and only then was she ready to deal with the issues she needed to address in her relationship.
So the most important thing we need as fathers is to have Christ placarded before us in his saving office. No amount of marital or parental technology will address the deepest doubts and insecurities of spouses and parents—which are always about more than being better spouses and parents.
Recently I saw a television news feature that offered valuable advice on how to protect one’s home from Internet pornography. There are secular books out there that can help us understand the differences between men and women and how to be more sympathetic in our relationships. Countless programs are available for developing healthy sleep patterns, discipline, and structure in our children’s lives—many of them my wife and I have found to be wise and helpful. But we go to church to hear and receive what cannot be said or given anywhere else. It is the most important message that anyone can hear, in whatever stage of life, and it is not only a message, but the actual gift of eternal life to sinners, even to Christian ones.”
What Horton expresses in the last paragraph has struck me with particular force the last few months. No wonder unbelievers often find Christians as narrow minded and arrogant! How many of us won’t read anything “secular” about parenting? How many of us realize that many “Christian” authors fill their books with not-so-Biblical ideas, yet they make Family Christian’s top seller list? Some unbelievers have far more wisdom than some believers. It isn’t your wisdom that saves you or places you in God’s family. We become pharisaically arrogant when we think we are somehow better than unbelievers. It is undeserved grace that saves, grace through the foolishness of faith. That is the good news for bad moms too.

Horton writes more that must be quoted . . . ” In his well-known exchange with the rich young ruler, Jesus was asked, “What is the one work I must do to be saved?” as if Jesus had come as a new and improved Moses, with some additional law, some new bit of practical advice for saving entrepreneurial types such as this fellow. Knowing that the young man wanted to justify himself, Jesus pointed to the law—not a new one, but the familiar one. “All this I have done from my youth,” the young man replied. Nothing new here: this is the old list he learned in Sabbath school. No doubt, he really thought he had done it all. Like many young men and fathers today, he may have had his checklist of principles for success in life. He was probably even doing the time-management thing. He was all put together—that is, until Jesus showed him the real intention of the law. “Go sell everything you have and give it to the poor,” Jesus commanded. Now he was undone. True, there was no law requiring a vow of poverty, but Jesus’ intention was to expose both the deepest meaning of the law as selfless love of neighbor and the deepest resistance to this law of love in the heart of this young man.
In much of our preaching and teaching today, the “principles of successful living/fatherhood/marriage/whatever” are familiar. Sometimes there is a new piece of advice that sounds useful, but for the most part it’s common sense. The law is always common sense—until Jesus explains it. Then it is just sheer “lunacy”—an impossible demand. That is why the rich young man went away sad. And it is why, after a constant diet of moral direction devoid of the serious demand of the law and the consolation of the gospel, so many end up concluding that the “God thing” may be for others, but not for them. Helpful advice can indeed come in handy. But until you have felt the force of God’s law and its demand for total surrender to the unqualified love of God and neighbor from the heart, you can never know the liberating power of the good news that “while we were still sinners”—still enemies of God and our neighbor, even those neighbors in our own household, “Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8).”
Hopefully God will supply me with the time and inspiration someday to post more directly about Motherwise. There is a rough draft of my thoughts over at Rock Cries Out
I leave you with this last bit of encouragement from Horton’s article . . . “ One of the practical effects of clear preaching of the law in all of its binding force, and the gospel in all of its sweet liberty is that we are able, really for the first time, to be the failures that we all are (if we allow ourselves to hear of it). “Good” fathers are not those who “have it all together.” (Those people actually scare me.) In fact, one of the things we younger dads discover in conversation with more mature Christian fathers whose track record we respect is a corresponding sense of humility and weakness. Despite all the advice, they usually end with something like this: “But you know, it’s often a mess—a mess that I’ve made of things, and God seems to have cleaned it up.” This does not always mean that failures leave no lasting residue, but that God’s promise can be trusted: “I will be a God to you and to your children forever.”

I received the following excerpts from emails today.

“Look beyond your home to the broader
community. Realize that God has more for you to do
in life than just focus on your own children.
Understand that, while raising your children is an
important ministry, it’s just a part of how God
wants you to use your talents to contribute to the
world. The “cult of the family” often pressures
mothers to focus all their energies on their own
families. But the Bible encourages all people - no
matter what their circumstances in life - to bring
God’s love into the wider community around them.
Ask God how He would like you to serve Him in
specific ways that don’t relate to parenting. Then
make time on a regular basis to do so. Make
following the call of the gospel your top
priority, rather than automatically doing only
what’s best for your own family. Be willing to put
God first in your life - and your family second.
Let your children see that they are part of
something bigger than your family; let them see
your faith in action as you follow where God
leads.”

In response: “Thank you for sharing this with us but I have to tell you, I think some of what she says is way off. She has one foot in the world and one foot in the Bible. You cannot straddle them. You eventually must choose who you will follow. The lies of man or the truth of God. To say that we should place our families second to outside ministries is also a contradiction of
Biblical teachings. Yes, we are to put God first. Does God have us do things that contradict His Holy teachings in the Bible? No! To say that outside ministries are more important than our families is a lie that is promulgated by those that have been deceived or who wish to ignore God’s truth and justify their rebellion.”

Quite a controversial topic, eh? Here is my response:

I think it is a bit of a 2 dimensional way of looking at life and motherhood to say God comes first and children second and ministry third, or ministry second, family thrid…etc. Christ is all consuming and everything in my life is bound up in Him, He is my supreme and my all. All the “rest” of my life or other parts are rooted in Him and gain life from Him - children, marriage,
ministry, gardening, cooking, whatever! I think we cause ourselvs undo stress and confusion when we try to compartmentalize our lives too much. Jesus is my one and only priority, I look to Him. And however, He usually and frequently tells me that He has given me children as
the bulk of my life right now and I have this incredible, daunting task of being their primary example of Christ in their lives! Wow - so focusing on Christ alone places my children way up their in time and dedication because of the responsibility to His name.

I think of an example I heard where a church wanted to quit supporting a missionary family because they wouldn’t wuit having children. Like children and missions are so seperate that they can’t be done effectively. However, how we raise our children is part of our mission to the world. Who my children are is part of our mission to the world. In other countries what I have seen is that they don’t reate well to women missionaries without children. - What’s wrong with her? Why doesn’t she want kids? This Chirst person must be strange to make her not want kids!

So in essence, when we think of children verses ministry we create a dichotomy that isn’t there. When we think of Chirst alone as supreme in our lives, he brings all things together, for He is over all things and all things are through and from Him. Praise Him for the free life He brings! We do not have to try to interpret and follow the law! That is the freedom of Christ we have as we live by the spirit, not by the law. When I make rules “family first, ministry second, job third, house fourth, etc…” for myself, I am resurrecting the law which has no power for me. I seek Christ, King of Kings and Lord over all the miracle of worshiping a God who is True is that He meets you, responds to you, and amazingly leads you. He makes your path straight. When He fills me, his life pours out all over those around me, my children, my husband, my community.

But in many ways we’d rather someone tell us what to do, how to do it, and what steps to take wouldn’t we?